1000 Gifts

• Scented Candles

• Cranberry Juice

• The pure, honest laughter of a baby.

• A best friend who always listens and enjoys my long detailed style of storytelling.

• The excitement of knowing I'm going to be receiving something in the mail.

• A sincere compliment from my husband.

• Getting the job I really wanted.

• Witnessing the amazing wonder of my friend's 11 month old developing his walking skills.

• A Dad who has knowledge about so many things and he is always a phone call away willing to share it.

• The kisses I get every morning while I'm still sleeping before Ty leaves for work.

• A goofy Sunday night full of bad jokes, bad smells, and mischievous laughter.

• Cloudy days

Today My "Baby" Brother is 16? How did that happen?

My brother has always been fast, unstoppable when he has his mind set on something. When my mom was in labor he started coming out without her pushing. The doctor wasn't even in the room yet, so the nurse kept asking her to not push. To which my mom's reply was "I'M NOT PUSHING". The story is that as soon as the doctor walked in and got suited up, he sat down and BAM! David was out. The doctor called him rocket baby after that.

I was five years old when my brother was born. I don't remember much of anything about the first time I met him, or the first few weeks of him being at home. I was only five.
I am told I was loving, yet jealous at times of my new brother receiving all my mother's attention. At the time I didn't understand that my mom and dad were actually worried about him. He wasn't getting enough food due to having a really hard time nursing. My mom didn't know why . He started going to the doctor weekly to get weighed and he was losing too much weight. He became quite skinny. They soon figured out that he was tongue tied. Basically the piece of skin under his tongue came all the way out to the tip of his tongue. Making it impossible for him to latch on. So he went to bottles and he got much better. He eventually had a procedure to cut the skin so he would be able to talk normal. I do remember being upset about my brother having surgery, I didn't want anyone hurting my brother.

I started calling him Guy Smiley. He was always happy and smiling, reminding me of a character on Sesame Street. A puppet talk show host of sorts, named Guy Smiley. His mouth was permanently fixed into a huge toothy grin. My brother didn't have teeth yet, but that's who he reminded me of. My memories of him as a baby start once he was several months old. I LOVED to read as a little girl,(still do), and he loved it when I read to him. My mom would lay him down on my bed with me before bedtime and so I could read to him.
There was a book of nursery rhymes that seemed to be his favorite. I would read them to him with different voices for each rhyme and he would laugh hysterically.
As my brother got older and started walking I became extremely protective of him. I guarded him. I loved him more than anything I had ever loved in my 6 years of life.

The older he got the more fun we had. He quickly learned how to make me laugh, as well as make me scream. But he was really quite a wonderful little brother. We had our spats and squabbles, but people said quite often how obvious it was that we were very close to each other. We had so much fun goofing off and playing pretend. We shared a room for 10 years, so the memories are endless. After being put to bed we were often being shouted at from downstairs to be quiet and go to sleep. Something about being in our beds in the dark encouraged many many conversations. Some ridiculous, bringing fits of laughter and some quite meaningful. He liked to hide under my bed in the mornings. Thinking, I guess, that I wouldn't know he was there even though he did it all the time. I would usually just start talking to him about something and hear "How'd you knoooow?" Silly boy.
As much as he annoyed me as we got older and I wanted him to go away when I had friends over, he was my best friend. He still is. I really, truly, have the coolest brother.

My brother is now becoming a man, and a great one at that. Today he is sixteen. I wish I could be there to celebrate with him. Out of all the things that have been hard about moving away from my hometown and everyone I know, being apart from him has been the hardest. I've missed him the most. I feel like I'm missing so much of his life. But he keeps me involved, because he is awesome. He texts me everyday, and we talk regularly as well. He tells me he misses me often, and that he is excited for me to come home for Christmas time. He is so considerate. He always has been, since he was quite young.

He is very aware of peoples feelings. He also has a great sense of discernment. He has great instincts and he listens to them. He has always been quick to greet adults and shake hands, something most adults tend to be taken aback by because of his young age. He makes friends easily and people become attached to him quickly. He has never abused this gift to manipulate, he treats his friends well. His friend's parents love him. My brother is a gifted athlete, one of those who can do whatever he tries. He runs fast and can climb anything. He loves baseball. His work ethic is strong, my father has taught him to give it all he's got. He is great with animals, getting hired regularly by neighbors for pet-sitting while they are away on trips. He is trustworthy. He is smart. He is kind. He is funny. He has a great sense of who he is already. I can't wait to see what he does and where he goes in life. I know it will be great.

He is my brother, I am proud to say. And I am so glad he was born.



This is from my visit home in July of this year.
He hunched to take this picture with me, he is actually much taller
than me.

1 Year

I woke up before you this morning. This almost never happens, but I'm glad it did.
In the dim light of our bedroom you lay sleeping soundly next to me. Your deep steady breathing the only sound in the room. I looked at you and I took in this moment. There my husband was, with me, in OUR room, in OUR home. It still can bring me to tears to think about how blessed I have been and how our hopes are finally a reality. How I love you. How I love waking up to your kisses and your smell. How I love the way you laugh and tease, how you dance around when a song you love is playing, how you sing to me, how you crinkle your face when I sing to you, and how right now as I write this you are making both of us a delicious breakfast. I didn't even ask. You are a wonderful man, and a wonderful husband. The grace you have for me is hard to understand sometimes, Jesus definitely loves me through you.
There are so many many many things I could keep writing, but I will just finish with this.
This first year of our marriage has been the hardest, craziest, most exciting and wonderful year of my life. There is no one I could imagine beginning this journey with but you. So as I lay for the brief moment awake before you, I took your sleeping body in for my memory. So that when we are apart for months and months at a time in the coming years, when I will have to wake up alone and only speak to you through email, I will recall this morning. The morning of the anniversary of our first year of marriage, and all the mornings before it and all the mornings after. Forever and ever.

these were supposed to be in my 1000 gifts

1000 Gifts 2nd Post

• Beach days that last until sundown on a white sand shore, with blue-green water, and a game of frisbee.

• The sound of my husband's even steady breathing next to me in bed as I fall asleep.

• A friend who truly understands.

• Books that swallow me up and pull me in. Making me feel as though I have become a part of their world.

• The companionship of a loyal dog.

• My mother's prayers.

• An unexpected phone call just to say hi and let me know I am missed.

• Having a husband that loves to make me laugh.
  

• Forgiveness

• Grace

• Hope that knows no boundaries.
  

My husband is not white...

Dear all major greeting card companies,

I am apart of a pretty significant community of people. They are all over the world, they are of all ages, and most importantly they are of ALL races. I am the wife of just one of many many many interracial couples. Here's the thing, you don't have any cards to offer us. My husband and I will be celebrating our one year wedding anniversary this month. So naturally I have been keeping an eye out for the perfect card. As I have browsed through the thousands of cards that fill stores I see tons of beautiful cards expressing love. The picture of two hands holding, an illustration of a couple embracing each other, kissing each other, smiling, just all around showing love. But they do not fit us, my husband is not white. I am not black. Where is a card for us?

I understand there are many cards that just have words or illustrations of hearts and flowers and other symbols of love and romance. However, I am a photographer, and pictures express things so beautifully. They also look less cheesy than glittery hearts and stars. I want to be able to to have the option of purchasing a card with a black hand and a white hand intertwined. It's not just my couple combo either. Unless you are a just Caucasian couple, or a just African American couple, there isn't a card for you. I have never seen a card with an Asian bride and groom, or a Latino couple celebrating their anniversary. They simply do not exist and it's frustrating. I even looked on the Internet, and I did find more than I do in stores, (it only takes one card to do that) but nothing great. Nothing but cheesy and somewhat awkward cards that were definitely not worth ordering and paying shipping and handling for. There is that point too, why would I want to pay shipping and handling ON A CARD? Lame.

So I ask all of you huge wealthy greeting card companies, spend a little dough on the colorful couples. Give us a few lovely cards for every occasion that we can identify with, and I promise you they will not go unnoticed. Or un-purchased.


Best Regards and Wishing your Sales Team Luck for the Upcoming Holidays,

Courtney

1000 Gifts

So one of my dear friends who I have known since I was a little girl, Carrien, also has a blog. http://shelaughsatthedays.blogspot.com/

I love to read it, and some of my favorite posts of hers are her 1000 gifts blogs. Then I went to the gratitude community which insprired her and loved that too. That community is here: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2003/06/gratitude-community.html.
(Unfortunately I don't know how to make the link hide in a word that you can just click on.)

Anyway, I'm going to join in the praise. I naturally have the tendency to find joy and happiness in the simplest and sometimes weirdest things. So it will be interesting and fun to keep record of some of those things here in my blog. I will also be keeping my collection of gratitude written down in a little notebook. I'm not going to pick a specific day of the week to do so, I'm just going to share as I feel led. But I will be making a 1000 Gifts post once a week.
So here it goes....

My husband coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around me. There is something extra affectionate about those unexpected hugs.

The Library. Especially when the book I have been waiting for is finally checked in.

The item I'm purchasing being on sale, but not knowing this until I am paying at the register.

My hair being long enough for a ponytail again, but not long enough for the ponytail to give me a headache.

All the amazing people who fought for equal rights. Without them I wouldn't have been able to marry my husband, let alone hold his hand in public without severe consequences.

When a band I love releases a new album and it does not dissapoint.

A 75 degree day in Florida and almost no humidity. I got to wear jeans.

Seeing a daddy carry his baby around in one of those back pack like things that goes on the front. I internally squeel everytime I see this, well sometimes externally too.

A close friend deciding she wants to be free and taking the steps to quit smoking the healthy way.

The fact that my mom took tons of beautiful pictures my whole childhood, now I am able to look back on my life and share it with my husband and eventually our children.

God is Good.

In The Words of Bob Dylan, " I'm a rambler, I'm a gambler"

I have 200,000 things on my mind right now.

Okay, so maybe not quite that many but a lot. And it's not helping me blog. Maybe I should just throw it all down on here, and then seen if I can get a real blog out after. This should be interesting.

My brother's birthday is in October, what do we get him?

My mother in law's birthday is in October, what do we get her? Oh yeah I already know, CRAP, i need to get to work on that!

My mother in law has cancer, and we aren't in the same state. I wish we were there to help, to spend time with her, to take care of her. I miss her.

My mom and my brother are both sick. It makes me sad. I don't like it when my family is sick.

The Volvo needs its registration renewed.

Ty's birthday is in November. I know what to get him, it's sort of expensive. But totally worth it.

I don't have a job, I WANT a job. I really want a job at Borders. I called them today. I talked to Dennis, he took my name, he says he is going to look up my application, he is going to start hiring! He's going to call me back. Please Lord, PLEEEEEASE, I really want to work there. Call me Dennis!

I want a haircut, no wait, I need a haircut. Nothing drastic, just get the nasty ends off.

HOLY CRAP, we are going back home for Christmas! That's exciting. We HAVE to pick dates this week. These dates must make sure we are in SD for Dec. 29th. John Mayer will be playing. I NEED to see him again. Oh man, tickets will cost a lot. For the plane I mean, oh and probably for the concert too. I wish I had a job.
I should start looking up plane tickets too.

Why is my skin so jacked up right now?

I wish it would cool down here all ready. The weather man said a cold front was moving in. We'll see if that happens. Even if we could just get a break from the humidity that would be splendid. Oh how I hope it's cold back home in December. I miss wearing my scarves, and my peacoat. *sigh* I love fall, we'll when there is actually fall like weather. Wow, i am obsessing about the weather right now.

I miss my family.

I miss having friends to do stuff with. I miss the bestie. Her two week visit was amazing. It didn't even feel like two weeks. Definitely went by fast.

This is such a stupid blog. I'm glad hardly anyone reads it. Well at least I am writing, getting my juices flowing. Why do people say that? It's actually quite a nasty sounding term. Ew. Okay, so I'm getting my words flowing. That's better.

I don't like Mondays.
I need to wash my face.

Momma's Girl

Over the past few days I have been noticing more and more little things about myself that remind me very much of my mother. I remember when I was much younger and my rebellious streak was aimed more towards my parents, I was convinced I was nothing like her. I get my rebellious streak from her. Ha! So here are some of the ways I have noticed recently that I am a lot like her.

The picture taking doesnt stop, I do it constantly.

I need an apron. Whenever I cook I later notice whatever I cooked somewhere on my clothing.

I don't know if it's Tampa's insane drivers or not, but I am becoming very verbally involved in my driving.

I absolutely love to give away food that I have made, especially baked goods. I have yet to try my hand at my mom's delicious chocolate chip banana muffins however.

I too want to adopt someday.

If Van Morrison starts playing, I have to sing.

And the thing I noticed and am most proud to say is:
I am becoming less and less concerned with the judgements others might make of me. My mom ALWAYS encouraged me to not care what negative things people might think of me, ESPECIALLY if they didnt know me. I was encouraged to just be me, if people didnt like that, SO WHAT?!

thanks Mom. <3

Home

So I was gone for a while. Two weeks to be exact.

I flew to San Diego on July 15th and stayed until July 29th, I had been gone for about 6 months. I went "home" for a visit and to be in my friend of 12 years, wedding. It was wonderful and beautiful and such an honor to be in the wedding. The picture above is of me with the gorgeous bride out on the dance floor.

I was also there for her maid of honor's (who is also her sister) 21st birthday which was 3 days after the wedding. I got to celebrate with her and we were giddy with being back together again.

The whole time I was in San Diego I had great adventures and visits with my family and friends. It felt so amazing to be surrounded by those I love and who love me again. My heart was so full, overflowing even, the whole time I was there. My trip to San Diego was refreshing and very much needed. But I realized something quite surprising. After being born and spending my whole life in San Diego, it is not my home anymore. However Florida is not my home either. Home is, as cheesy and cliche' as it sounds, totally where my heart is. With my husband, with my family, with my friends. Wherever my husband is, is where I belong. He holds the largest chunk of my heart here on earth, and he is my home. But little parts of my heart are spread all over. I have a home with parents, I have a home with my in-laws, I have a home in a Borough of Blue in Escondido, and a several homes in Poway, there is a home in Canada that will soon re-locate to India, I have a home in Clairemont, and many more, wherever these people go who carry parts of my heart. This was very comforting to realize, it brings me peace to know this.

To know now, wherever I go and wherever these important people in my life go, no matter the time or distance that seperates us, whenever we are brought back together it will be like coming home.

Playing Catch Up...I knew I would

So it's been a long time. A looooong time. I am disappointed.
Alright enough of that, I will just catch up!
Since my last blog my husband and I made an emergency trip home to San Diego, I have turned 21, and we had a 4th of July explosion party on the pier.

As for the emergency trip home, my mother in law was having surgery. She has colon cancer and they removed her whole colon, and uterus, and polyps from her liver. She did remarkably well after such an intense surgery and she continues to do so. Now she has chemo ahead and we are all hopeful for her remission. It's exhausting, watching not only someone go through cancer but watching how it affects their loved ones. The concerns, the fears, the what-ifs? It's all overwhelming. It's a role as his wife I wasn't expecting to have to play so early in our marriage. I mean I helped take care of my very sick grandmother who had breast cancer that went on to be lung cancer and liver cancer. I got up close and personal with hospitals,(to this day I don't handle them well at all), the ICU, I felt that grief, mourned the loss, all at only 14. But she was my grandmother, not my Mom. So I pray, a lot. We pray together. It's definitely brought us closer. He says I'm amazing, comforting, helpful, but I worry still. It's hard for me too, I love her too. But I know it's harder for him. God is good however, through it all. So we wait.

Ah yes. I am 21 now. June 2oth It was a nice day. I woke up to Ty's arms wrapped around me, he was kissing my face and telling the birthday girl to wake up, calling me an old lady. I love him.
Then he offered to take me to the mall to pick a present. YES. As I was getting ready I listened to the "Play list of My 21st Birthday Morning" It goes as follows:

1. Tiny Dancer By: Elton John (2 times in a row)
2. Mr. Tambourine Man By: Bob Dylan
3. Chimes of Freedom By:Bob Dylan
4. Free Fallin By: Tom Petty
5. Born To Fight By:Tracy Chapman
6. Electric Feel By: MGMT
7. Kids By: MGMT
8. We Live For Love By: Pat Benatar
9. Hair Down By: Cold War Kids
10. Passing The Hat By: Cold War Kids

It was a perfect play list, that was created as I listened. Music I truly love. We then proceeded to lunch at Steak n Shake with a couple of buddies, then to the liquor store on base where I bought myself my own alcohol. From there, on to the mall! Ty bought me two dresses I picked and surprised me with a book series I had started reading earlier that month. Two dresses and eight books. What a man! He sure knows how to make me happy. I choose Cheesecake Factory for my birthday dinner. While we waited to be seated we went to the bar and I had a "fancy" lemonade. Quite tasty. Dinner was yummy and then we headed back home. Now on the street we live on there is a bar and an Irish pub and grill. Both very close, so we walked. First to the Green Iguana, it was a brief stay which included a shot of vodka. Then we walked down to The Wooden Door. We ended up running into some people we had met a few weeks before and hung out with at our apartments. Two couples, who are unbelievably cool. They helped make it a true 21st celebration. I got lots of fancy birthday drinks and paid for nothing. We had a great time.
Not only was it my first birthday without my family, without the traditional family dinner, it was my 21st. So throughout the day I had passing feelings of longing. Wishing I had my closest and dearest friends to celebrate, wishing I could have a hug from my mom as she tells me how glad she is I was born, wishing I could hear my dad recite the details of my birth, wishing I could take goofy pictures with my brother. But what I got wasn't half bad, not bad at all. =)

Thoughts that come with misery...

Soooo, it's here. Every month since I was eleven it has happened. IT. the girly thing, the monthly unwelcome visitor, the period.
Now as you may be thinking, (if you are female that it is), "oh yeah I get it too, we all get it, deal with it.." yada yada. Well mine is special. Mine wakes me up at seven in the morning after keeping me up until one in the morning, with the lovely stabbing,punching,twisting sensation I get in my abdomen and if Im really having a good one in my lower back too. Oh and did I mention the leg? Yeah my left leg gets cramped and achey too. Bouts of nausea come and go. Its quite grand really. Pain medicine you ask? Oh yes, well when it wakes you up in the morning you clearly have an empty stomach. Pain medicine on an empty stomach = no bueno. Eat you say? Oh myyyyy you should just try to find an appetite when it feels like someone is ripping your lady parts out. JUST TRY.
Anyway, I've been doing this a long time. I have a routine. I woke up to the pain, immediately went to the bathroom where I got in a shower as hot as my skin could handle and let it pour over my aching sleepy body. When I finally removed myself I forced down a granola bar, and two glasses of water. Let it settle for a little bit. Then had to get in the shower again, it hurt too much. Removed myself relunctently, and decided to take some pills. I waited about a half an hour and couldn't wait any longer. So i got back in the shower and there i sat. Yes I sat. May I say I must have somehow had an instinct I would need to be able to sit in the shower this week because I just cleaned the shower this past weekend. So there i sat and found some relief and also boredom, so I shaved my legs. Yep, this monthly occurance may have ruined my other plans to be productive today. Pick up the house(its really not that bad thankfully), go to a couple of stores to get stuff for my Dad's father's day present, turn in an application, and go grocery shopping. But at least I got to shave. I sure as heck won't even think to dare step into my bathing suit for the next 4 days, or even consider shorts, but at least my legs will be so nicely shaven hidden beneath my pants. However I HAVE to go grocery shopping. We have nothing in this place right now, nothing. Which means I will have to gather myself within the next 2 hours to become somewhat presentable so that my husband and I can go to the comissary. Bleh. Double bleh.
He did say last night he could do it on his own, which he has never done. Dare I let him?

On to something completely random that came to me during one of my shower episodes this morning. I was thinking about pain, then thinking about praying and sorta of praying, and then one of my most loved 80's hits started playing in my head. "Livin' On A Prayer" by the very studly Jon bon Jovi. So I sang it for a bit. Thought about how lucky my mom was that she got to see them in concert, and then considered this. This man really has something with this song. The chorus has been working for him, for his life.
"Whoaaaaah, we're halfway there, livin on a prayer. Take my hand, we'll make it I swear, livin on a prayer."
I've been there, so many times. Just getting by, living on a prayer. And it's true, you can make it.
He has. In 1989 he married his high school sweetheart, Dorothea, and 20 years later they are still married with 4 kids. To be a rock star, SUPER FAMOUS rockstar at that, and to be married to the same woman for 20 years, is quite an accomplishment.

Everyone should have a listen to that song today, not only is it good lyrics, but you could get a good dance in. You'll feel better, promise.

Don't judge me, Im hurting.

so...my life, Our Life

On June 20th many years ago I was born.
I was born into a new little family, a lovely couple who had been in love since my mother was fifteen and my father was seventeen. I was born in San Diego, California.
This is where I would live the rest of my life.
When I was five my younger brother was born. At the time, I am told, he was not something I welcomed into my little world. But it wasn't long before he had my heart, and became one of the best things that ever happened to me.

I invited Jesus to live in my heart when I was about 8 years old.

My little sister was born when I was 9, but not to live with us, to live with a family my mom was a surrogate mother for, which extended our family to more that just a half sister. It got us a whole family to add to ours and they added us to theirs.

My mom started homeschooling us when I finished 5th grade.

First boyfriend at 15.

Started going to Mexico regularly with my church between 15 and 16, where I fell in love with the children, the language,the country, the people, the culture. I never wanted to leave.

God gave us our first house when I was 16, I finally had my own room. And we finally got our black Lab, wonderful amazing dog, Jeb.

First heartbreak at 17.

Went to an ridiculous amount of concerts that were amazing.

Got hired for my first job at the movie theatre at 17.

First trip to Thailand at 17, changed my life.

Also began going to community college, which included photography courses. I began gaining an education in my passion and it was thrilling.

Met second boyfriend at community college.

Went on second trip to Thailand at 18.

My parents surprised me with a 1987 Volvo, affectionately known as Pat Benatar.

Ended things with the second boyfriend.

And because he was amazing and beautiful and , THE ONE, started spending time with the future husband, Ty, my supervisor at the theatre. =)

Became official on May 19, 2007.
Fell in Love.

Ty started thinking about the Navy.
Ty joined the Navy =(
Ty left in March 2008 for Boot Camp in Great Lakes IL. 3 months apart.

Ty graduated in May 2008, I travelled with his family to IL, and we watched him graduate, and then spent the day with him at the airport. He flew to Virginia that night where he started
school.

Seperated 3 more months, he came home in August for a visit for 9 days, and PROPOSED. We had a dinner with both our families where he asked permission and both families gave their blessings. YAY.

In October I flew to Virginia for one weekend where we got legally married. I got to spend 2 days with my new husband before leaving him again.

In December he came home for Christmas.

And in January of 2009 he was finished with school, he came home, we had a ceremony with our families and closest friends in a beautiful set up on our dearest friends property. Beforehand we met with our photographer. Then we partied. Just 2 days before the ceremony we had movers come and pack up ALL our stuff, and 2 days after the ceremony we got on a plane and moved across the country to Tampa Florida.

We had 3 days to find a place to live, we knew no one, we had nothing but our suitcases and a rental car, and we were overwhelmed. But God provided.

We found our apartment, went to Target and bought an airmattress and pillows, and spent almost 2 weeks living in our empty apartment before our stuff arrived!
Those two weeks were quite an adventure, and however boring and cold it got, we made amazing memories, and I wouldn't change it.


So now, here I am, here we are. June 2009, 5 months living in Tampa. We have everything settled, we bought our first car together 2 weeks ago, we finally have 2! Its amazing. Everyday I am overwhelmed with the amazing, caring, wonderful husband I was so blessed to get. I love learning about him more everyday, and seeing him come home to me everyday. Don't doubt that things have been hard, because they have. But it has only made us stronger, and better equipped us for the next challenge. He is my best friend, the only person I would ever want to do this whole starting a life thing with. We are so blessed.
So now, 18 days from now, I will become a year older, and have my first birthday without my family.
But last year I had my birthday without Ty...
I am where I am supposed to be. It feels good.

The Beginning

Hello there world of bloggers! Here I am. Finally.
After much thought and going back in forth between "I should make one" to "Nah, I won't keep it up", I have started my own blog. And I come with no expectations or pressure upon myself. Just simply to try it out.
So I thought I would start by explaining the title of my blog, "Prone to Wander".
Basically it suits me. Why does it suit me you ask? Well i shall share.
Since I was quite young, I have always had a tendency to get distracted, to wander away from events,my parents in stores (woops), groups of friends and other such things to see what I can find. Sometimes to clear my head, to find something i MUST buy, to say a prayer, to take the perfect picture, to find a lonely friend, whatever it is, i wander. I like to explore.
But the exact phrase "Prone to wander" comes directly from my favorite hymn, "Come thou Fount". It goes, as follows:


Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;Streams of mercy, never ceasing,Call for songs of loudest praise.Teach me some melodious sonnet,Sung by flaming tongues above.Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,Till released from flesh and sin,Yet from what I do inherit,Here Thy praises I’ll begin;Here I raise my Ebenezer;Here by Thy great help I’ve come;And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,Wandering from the fold of God;He, to rescue me from danger,Interposed His precious blood;How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose meI cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor Daily I’m constrained to be! Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,Bind my wandering heart to Thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,Prone to leave the God I love;Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,I shall see Thy lovely face;Clothed then in blood washed linenHow I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,Take my ransomed soul away;Send thine angels now to carryMe to realms of endless day.


I love this hymn so deeply, it touches me every time I hear it, sing it, or read it. I feel I truly identify with it. It's so easy to lose focus, to wander away from my Creator, but all I can do is say I'm sorry, learn, and pray to be bound to Him.

So there it is, here I am, and here we go!