Dear Friend,
This is what is has come to. I can't get a hold of you through text or phone call. You don't have a myspace or facebook (you refuse to "conform"). I don't have your address, and I can't find your email in my email account. So I am coming here, to the blogosphere. Because it's time, it's time for me to quit hoping.
You have been a wonderful friend. From the night that we met, almost six years ago now, we have been a great match. The first thing you ever said to me was "Nice shirt". It was my Emery t-shirt, you loved them too. I was in Wal-Mart with my youth group shopping for a fundraiser we were doing, and little did I know as we crossed paths on the fishing pole isle, you were a part of the youth group we were teaming up with. I had such a good time getting to know you and your friends. The second day of our fundraiser you approached me as I was putting my shoes on (my youth group had camped out in the auditorium of our church) and I realized we were wearing the same ones. "Nice shoes", I said. You laughed.
In the years to come we would be there for each other through so much, and our friendship lasted.
We lived in different cities, and went to different churches. You were in public high school while I was home-schooled and traveling the world, but it worked out anyway. There were times when we would go for a month or two without talking, but never more and never intentionally. Life just got hectic sometimes, but we still knew that the other was always there whenever we needed. I always knew that you cared. But now I doubt.
I've lost confidence in your friendship. I doubt that I still matter, or that you want me in your life. While it is hard to feel this way, it is harder not knowing for sure what is going on. We have never had a fight, heck we have never even had a disagreement. The last time I saw you was a visit home last summer, a YEAR ago, and I've talked to you once since then. Our time together last July was wonderful. We had a blast catching up, discussing music and God, eating Mexican food. It was perfect. Then you disappeared. No more responses to my text messages, never returning my phone calls. Even when I had amazing news to share, when I wanted to call and celebrate something, you never called back.
My heart broke a little every time there was silence, but I promised you once I would never give up on you. You thanked me more than once for that promise, telling me that's what you needed. You needed me to not give up on you......
So that's it, I don't know how to finish this letter. That's how hard this is. This blog post has been in my drafts for weeks. I keep coming back to it, attempting to add more, but not much else comes. What else can I say? I've put myself out there so many times already. I am not posting this with hopes my dear friend will see it, I know that they won't. I am posting it for me, in hopes that I can gain even just a bit of closure for myself. I really want to give up, but I can't. So I'm saying I am letting go. What happens or doesn't happen is not something I am going to try and play a role in anymore. No more effort. It just hurts too much. But if this beloved friend comes back to me, I will be here.
