Sinking

There are times in life when you feel like you have a problem that you can trust no one with. You fear the judgement, you fear how someone might think differently of you, you fear that you could even lose friends. Most of these fears feed on your silence. A struggle that is common or even totally normal, will begin to seem much worse than it is. Shame will grow in this silence too. Shame tries to take your light, but you know your light is your gift and you need it to keep going. So you start fighting for your light, but shining becomes exhausting because you are in this constant battle. So when you have the strength you find yourself sending out pleadings to God. Pathetic little whispers for help, for guidance, for anything really. Just something to give you a break. Then a person starts coming to mind, every time you are struggling. And so you start to think maybe you should tell them, for whatever reason, maybe they would understand. Then one night after an exceptionally long battle within yourself, fighting to keep shining, you just go for it. Send out a quick S.O.S, just getting straight to the point. You take the leap and brace for the landing, hoping it's a soft one. Then as you wait for the response you find that you aren't sinking anymore, that the weight pulling you down has lessened just by putting it out there, just by saying I'm having a hard time and I need someone there has been a relief. So you are there still under everything that has been drowning you, but no longer sinking and there is a strange sense of peace there. Then the response comes and it is filled with grace and love and even a complete understanding. True understanding because the one you reached out to has been where you are. They truly know. So the weights just keep falling off, and you start swimming up, because there is encouragement in having a someone on your side, telling you that you can do this. Finally you break the surface and oh the relief of that first gasp of air that comes from having it all out there. All exposed. So now you are treading water which is still hard work and it will exhaust you too, but your head is above it all and you can breathe again. But even better still, you can speak again. And so begins the journey back to land, where that beautiful friend is waiting with open arms.