Make new friends, but keep the old?

Recently I have really been feeling the ache from loss of contact with a few different people in my life. It has been an adjustment, one that has been painful to make, to have people who were once so constant in my life become so absent. I know that things like this in life happen, that throughout life as we grow and change so do our friends and sometimes people move on. But there are some people I just never thought that would happen with. People who I still don't quite understand why it happened with. It makes me sad, it breaks my heart.

I have been told by different friends several different times, "It's their loss if they don't want to keep in touch with you" or "You still have so many people in your life." While these things are said out of love, it doesn't fill the empty spot that my missing friend left behind. My husband often remarks at my ability to easily "make friends". While it is natural for me to meet new people and not struggle with making conversation or getting to know them, it takes me a long time to actually build a relationship with someone. When I was young I had many experiences of "friends" turning against me, ignoring me, lashing out at me because of jealousy or insecurity. While I am able to look back now and understand what was causing that girl to so suddenly turn, I was baffled and confused at the time. It is because of these experiences that I am so careful and guarded with my hopes for friendships until someone is in my life for quite a while. Until the friendship is proven to be trustworthy, I never completely let someone into my heart. So when one of these friendships that I had so carefully put more and more of myself into just goes away, I just want to cry. Maybe this sounds childish to some, maybe it sounds naive, but really it's just how I feel. Believe me, people have come and gone from my life before. While it was never something I wanted, it wasn't always hurtful. These friends I am referring to are people who I pictured always being in my life.

I put friends into two groups. There are "seasonal" friends, the ones who may only be around for a little while but you learn from them and enjoy them while they are in your life, and then slowly they become less and less present. Then there are the "all-weather" friends. The ones who were built to last through all the seasons of life, from the harsh cold winters of life to the sunny and breezy springs. It's the loss of these "all-weather" friends that hurts me so.

I have so many questions. Mostly just, Why? Yes I got married, but I'm still the same me. Becoming a wife doesn't completely change my identity, it just adds something more to who I am. Yes I moved away, but I am closer to many people now than I was before I moved. So I am good at long distance, I know I am. My husband and I lasted through 9 months of long distance before we were married. I'm a great communicator. But I can only prove it if you respond to my texts and return my calls. I would rather have my questions of "Why?" answered with "I just don't care anymore", than have no answers at all. At least then I would get some closer...
The truth is, I'm nervous. I'm nervous about which all-weather friends I could lose the next time a big change happens in my life. We will be moving again next February, hopefully closer to our hometown but who knows? The Navy could send us anywhere. Will that just be too much for another dear friend? What about when I have a baby? Oh lordy, I know things really change when people become parents, but still! I want my wonderful friends in the lives of my babies. I want my kids to have many adopted "aunties" and "uncles". My best friends have made such a wonderful impact on my life and have supported me through so much, I want these incredible people to be apart of my family too.

All I know is that as long as you let me be apart of your life my dearest friends, I will be. I am doing my best from way over here, I love you all so much.