So it's been a long time. A looooong time. I am disappointed.
Alright enough of that, I will just catch up!
Since my last blog my husband and I made an emergency trip home to San Diego, I have turned 21, and we had a 4th of July explosion party on the pier.
As for the emergency trip home, my mother in law was having surgery. She has colon cancer and they removed her whole colon, and uterus, and polyps from her liver. She did remarkably well after such an intense surgery and she continues to do so. Now she has chemo ahead and we are all hopeful for her remission. It's exhausting, watching not only someone go through cancer but watching how it affects their loved ones. The concerns, the fears, the what-ifs? It's all overwhelming. It's a role as his wife I wasn't expecting to have to play so early in our marriage. I mean I helped take care of my very sick grandmother who had breast cancer that went on to be lung cancer and liver cancer. I got up close and personal with hospitals,(to this day I don't handle them well at all), the ICU, I felt that grief, mourned the loss, all at only 14. But she was my grandmother, not my Mom. So I pray, a lot. We pray together. It's definitely brought us closer. He says I'm amazing, comforting, helpful, but I worry still. It's hard for me too, I love her too. But I know it's harder for him. God is good however, through it all. So we wait.
Ah yes. I am 21 now. June 2oth It was a nice day. I woke up to Ty's arms wrapped around me, he was kissing my face and telling the birthday girl to wake up, calling me an old lady. I love him.
Then he offered to take me to the mall to pick a present. YES. As I was getting ready I listened to the "Play list of My 21st Birthday Morning" It goes as follows:
1. Tiny Dancer By: Elton John (2 times in a row)
2. Mr. Tambourine Man By: Bob Dylan
3. Chimes of Freedom By:Bob Dylan
4. Free Fallin By: Tom Petty
5. Born To Fight By:Tracy Chapman
6. Electric Feel By: MGMT
7. Kids By: MGMT
8. We Live For Love By: Pat Benatar
9. Hair Down By: Cold War Kids
10. Passing The Hat By: Cold War Kids
It was a perfect play list, that was created as I listened. Music I truly love. We then proceeded to lunch at Steak n Shake with a couple of buddies, then to the liquor store on base where I bought myself my own alcohol. From there, on to the mall! Ty bought me two dresses I picked and surprised me with a book series I had started reading earlier that month. Two dresses and eight books. What a man! He sure knows how to make me happy. I choose Cheesecake Factory for my birthday dinner. While we waited to be seated we went to the bar and I had a "fancy" lemonade. Quite tasty. Dinner was yummy and then we headed back home. Now on the street we live on there is a bar and an Irish pub and grill. Both very close, so we walked. First to the Green Iguana, it was a brief stay which included a shot of vodka. Then we walked down to The Wooden Door. We ended up running into some people we had met a few weeks before and hung out with at our apartments. Two couples, who are unbelievably cool. They helped make it a true 21st celebration. I got lots of fancy birthday drinks and paid for nothing. We had a great time.
Not only was it my first birthday without my family, without the traditional family dinner, it was my 21st. So throughout the day I had passing feelings of longing. Wishing I had my closest and dearest friends to celebrate, wishing I could have a hug from my mom as she tells me how glad she is I was born, wishing I could hear my dad recite the details of my birth, wishing I could take goofy pictures with my brother. But what I got wasn't half bad, not bad at all. =)
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Thoughts that come with misery...
Soooo, it's here. Every month since I was eleven it has happened. IT. the girly thing, the monthly unwelcome visitor, the period.
Now as you may be thinking, (if you are female that it is), "oh yeah I get it too, we all get it, deal with it.." yada yada. Well mine is special. Mine wakes me up at seven in the morning after keeping me up until one in the morning, with the lovely stabbing,punching,twisting sensation I get in my abdomen and if Im really having a good one in my lower back too. Oh and did I mention the leg? Yeah my left leg gets cramped and achey too. Bouts of nausea come and go. Its quite grand really. Pain medicine you ask? Oh yes, well when it wakes you up in the morning you clearly have an empty stomach. Pain medicine on an empty stomach = no bueno. Eat you say? Oh myyyyy you should just try to find an appetite when it feels like someone is ripping your lady parts out. JUST TRY.
Anyway, I've been doing this a long time. I have a routine. I woke up to the pain, immediately went to the bathroom where I got in a shower as hot as my skin could handle and let it pour over my aching sleepy body. When I finally removed myself I forced down a granola bar, and two glasses of water. Let it settle for a little bit. Then had to get in the shower again, it hurt too much. Removed myself relunctently, and decided to take some pills. I waited about a half an hour and couldn't wait any longer. So i got back in the shower and there i sat. Yes I sat. May I say I must have somehow had an instinct I would need to be able to sit in the shower this week because I just cleaned the shower this past weekend. So there i sat and found some relief and also boredom, so I shaved my legs. Yep, this monthly occurance may have ruined my other plans to be productive today. Pick up the house(its really not that bad thankfully), go to a couple of stores to get stuff for my Dad's father's day present, turn in an application, and go grocery shopping. But at least I got to shave. I sure as heck won't even think to dare step into my bathing suit for the next 4 days, or even consider shorts, but at least my legs will be so nicely shaven hidden beneath my pants. However I HAVE to go grocery shopping. We have nothing in this place right now, nothing. Which means I will have to gather myself within the next 2 hours to become somewhat presentable so that my husband and I can go to the comissary. Bleh. Double bleh.
He did say last night he could do it on his own, which he has never done. Dare I let him?
On to something completely random that came to me during one of my shower episodes this morning. I was thinking about pain, then thinking about praying and sorta of praying, and then one of my most loved 80's hits started playing in my head. "Livin' On A Prayer" by the very studly Jon bon Jovi. So I sang it for a bit. Thought about how lucky my mom was that she got to see them in concert, and then considered this. This man really has something with this song. The chorus has been working for him, for his life.
"Whoaaaaah, we're halfway there, livin on a prayer. Take my hand, we'll make it I swear, livin on a prayer."
I've been there, so many times. Just getting by, living on a prayer. And it's true, you can make it.
He has. In 1989 he married his high school sweetheart, Dorothea, and 20 years later they are still married with 4 kids. To be a rock star, SUPER FAMOUS rockstar at that, and to be married to the same woman for 20 years, is quite an accomplishment.
Everyone should have a listen to that song today, not only is it good lyrics, but you could get a good dance in. You'll feel better, promise.
Don't judge me, Im hurting.
Now as you may be thinking, (if you are female that it is), "oh yeah I get it too, we all get it, deal with it.." yada yada. Well mine is special. Mine wakes me up at seven in the morning after keeping me up until one in the morning, with the lovely stabbing,punching,twisting sensation I get in my abdomen and if Im really having a good one in my lower back too. Oh and did I mention the leg? Yeah my left leg gets cramped and achey too. Bouts of nausea come and go. Its quite grand really. Pain medicine you ask? Oh yes, well when it wakes you up in the morning you clearly have an empty stomach. Pain medicine on an empty stomach = no bueno. Eat you say? Oh myyyyy you should just try to find an appetite when it feels like someone is ripping your lady parts out. JUST TRY.
Anyway, I've been doing this a long time. I have a routine. I woke up to the pain, immediately went to the bathroom where I got in a shower as hot as my skin could handle and let it pour over my aching sleepy body. When I finally removed myself I forced down a granola bar, and two glasses of water. Let it settle for a little bit. Then had to get in the shower again, it hurt too much. Removed myself relunctently, and decided to take some pills. I waited about a half an hour and couldn't wait any longer. So i got back in the shower and there i sat. Yes I sat. May I say I must have somehow had an instinct I would need to be able to sit in the shower this week because I just cleaned the shower this past weekend. So there i sat and found some relief and also boredom, so I shaved my legs. Yep, this monthly occurance may have ruined my other plans to be productive today. Pick up the house(its really not that bad thankfully), go to a couple of stores to get stuff for my Dad's father's day present, turn in an application, and go grocery shopping. But at least I got to shave. I sure as heck won't even think to dare step into my bathing suit for the next 4 days, or even consider shorts, but at least my legs will be so nicely shaven hidden beneath my pants. However I HAVE to go grocery shopping. We have nothing in this place right now, nothing. Which means I will have to gather myself within the next 2 hours to become somewhat presentable so that my husband and I can go to the comissary. Bleh. Double bleh.
He did say last night he could do it on his own, which he has never done. Dare I let him?
On to something completely random that came to me during one of my shower episodes this morning. I was thinking about pain, then thinking about praying and sorta of praying, and then one of my most loved 80's hits started playing in my head. "Livin' On A Prayer" by the very studly Jon bon Jovi. So I sang it for a bit. Thought about how lucky my mom was that she got to see them in concert, and then considered this. This man really has something with this song. The chorus has been working for him, for his life.
"Whoaaaaah, we're halfway there, livin on a prayer. Take my hand, we'll make it I swear, livin on a prayer."
I've been there, so many times. Just getting by, living on a prayer. And it's true, you can make it.
He has. In 1989 he married his high school sweetheart, Dorothea, and 20 years later they are still married with 4 kids. To be a rock star, SUPER FAMOUS rockstar at that, and to be married to the same woman for 20 years, is quite an accomplishment.
Everyone should have a listen to that song today, not only is it good lyrics, but you could get a good dance in. You'll feel better, promise.
Don't judge me, Im hurting.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
so...my life, Our Life
On June 20th many years ago I was born.
I was born into a new little family, a lovely couple who had been in love since my mother was fifteen and my father was seventeen. I was born in San Diego, California.
This is where I would live the rest of my life.
When I was five my younger brother was born. At the time, I am told, he was not something I welcomed into my little world. But it wasn't long before he had my heart, and became one of the best things that ever happened to me.
I invited Jesus to live in my heart when I was about 8 years old.
My little sister was born when I was 9, but not to live with us, to live with a family my mom was a surrogate mother for, which extended our family to more that just a half sister. It got us a whole family to add to ours and they added us to theirs.
My mom started homeschooling us when I finished 5th grade.
First boyfriend at 15.
Started going to Mexico regularly with my church between 15 and 16, where I fell in love with the children, the language,the country, the people, the culture. I never wanted to leave.
God gave us our first house when I was 16, I finally had my own room. And we finally got our black Lab, wonderful amazing dog, Jeb.
First heartbreak at 17.
Went to an ridiculous amount of concerts that were amazing.
Got hired for my first job at the movie theatre at 17.
First trip to Thailand at 17, changed my life.
Also began going to community college, which included photography courses. I began gaining an education in my passion and it was thrilling.
Met second boyfriend at community college.
Went on second trip to Thailand at 18.
My parents surprised me with a 1987 Volvo, affectionately known as Pat Benatar.
Ended things with the second boyfriend.
And because he was amazing and beautiful and , THE ONE, started spending time with the future husband, Ty, my supervisor at the theatre. =)
Became official on May 19, 2007.
Fell in Love.
Ty started thinking about the Navy.
Ty joined the Navy =(
Ty left in March 2008 for Boot Camp in Great Lakes IL. 3 months apart.
Ty graduated in May 2008, I travelled with his family to IL, and we watched him graduate, and then spent the day with him at the airport. He flew to Virginia that night where he started
school.
Seperated 3 more months, he came home in August for a visit for 9 days, and PROPOSED. We had a dinner with both our families where he asked permission and both families gave their blessings. YAY.
In October I flew to Virginia for one weekend where we got legally married. I got to spend 2 days with my new husband before leaving him again.
In December he came home for Christmas.
And in January of 2009 he was finished with school, he came home, we had a ceremony with our families and closest friends in a beautiful set up on our dearest friends property. Beforehand we met with our photographer. Then we partied. Just 2 days before the ceremony we had movers come and pack up ALL our stuff, and 2 days after the ceremony we got on a plane and moved across the country to Tampa Florida.
We had 3 days to find a place to live, we knew no one, we had nothing but our suitcases and a rental car, and we were overwhelmed. But God provided.
We found our apartment, went to Target and bought an airmattress and pillows, and spent almost 2 weeks living in our empty apartment before our stuff arrived!
Those two weeks were quite an adventure, and however boring and cold it got, we made amazing memories, and I wouldn't change it.
So now, here I am, here we are. June 2009, 5 months living in Tampa. We have everything settled, we bought our first car together 2 weeks ago, we finally have 2! Its amazing. Everyday I am overwhelmed with the amazing, caring, wonderful husband I was so blessed to get. I love learning about him more everyday, and seeing him come home to me everyday. Don't doubt that things have been hard, because they have. But it has only made us stronger, and better equipped us for the next challenge. He is my best friend, the only person I would ever want to do this whole starting a life thing with. We are so blessed.
So now, 18 days from now, I will become a year older, and have my first birthday without my family.
But last year I had my birthday without Ty...
I am where I am supposed to be. It feels good.
I was born into a new little family, a lovely couple who had been in love since my mother was fifteen and my father was seventeen. I was born in San Diego, California.
This is where I would live the rest of my life.
When I was five my younger brother was born. At the time, I am told, he was not something I welcomed into my little world. But it wasn't long before he had my heart, and became one of the best things that ever happened to me.
I invited Jesus to live in my heart when I was about 8 years old.
My little sister was born when I was 9, but not to live with us, to live with a family my mom was a surrogate mother for, which extended our family to more that just a half sister. It got us a whole family to add to ours and they added us to theirs.
My mom started homeschooling us when I finished 5th grade.
First boyfriend at 15.
Started going to Mexico regularly with my church between 15 and 16, where I fell in love with the children, the language,the country, the people, the culture. I never wanted to leave.
God gave us our first house when I was 16, I finally had my own room. And we finally got our black Lab, wonderful amazing dog, Jeb.
First heartbreak at 17.
Went to an ridiculous amount of concerts that were amazing.
Got hired for my first job at the movie theatre at 17.
First trip to Thailand at 17, changed my life.
Also began going to community college, which included photography courses. I began gaining an education in my passion and it was thrilling.
Met second boyfriend at community college.
Went on second trip to Thailand at 18.
My parents surprised me with a 1987 Volvo, affectionately known as Pat Benatar.
Ended things with the second boyfriend.
And because he was amazing and beautiful and , THE ONE, started spending time with the future husband, Ty, my supervisor at the theatre. =)
Became official on May 19, 2007.
Fell in Love.
Ty started thinking about the Navy.
Ty joined the Navy =(
Ty left in March 2008 for Boot Camp in Great Lakes IL. 3 months apart.
Ty graduated in May 2008, I travelled with his family to IL, and we watched him graduate, and then spent the day with him at the airport. He flew to Virginia that night where he started
school.
Seperated 3 more months, he came home in August for a visit for 9 days, and PROPOSED. We had a dinner with both our families where he asked permission and both families gave their blessings. YAY.
In October I flew to Virginia for one weekend where we got legally married. I got to spend 2 days with my new husband before leaving him again.
In December he came home for Christmas.
And in January of 2009 he was finished with school, he came home, we had a ceremony with our families and closest friends in a beautiful set up on our dearest friends property. Beforehand we met with our photographer. Then we partied. Just 2 days before the ceremony we had movers come and pack up ALL our stuff, and 2 days after the ceremony we got on a plane and moved across the country to Tampa Florida.
We had 3 days to find a place to live, we knew no one, we had nothing but our suitcases and a rental car, and we were overwhelmed. But God provided.
We found our apartment, went to Target and bought an airmattress and pillows, and spent almost 2 weeks living in our empty apartment before our stuff arrived!
Those two weeks were quite an adventure, and however boring and cold it got, we made amazing memories, and I wouldn't change it.
So now, here I am, here we are. June 2009, 5 months living in Tampa. We have everything settled, we bought our first car together 2 weeks ago, we finally have 2! Its amazing. Everyday I am overwhelmed with the amazing, caring, wonderful husband I was so blessed to get. I love learning about him more everyday, and seeing him come home to me everyday. Don't doubt that things have been hard, because they have. But it has only made us stronger, and better equipped us for the next challenge. He is my best friend, the only person I would ever want to do this whole starting a life thing with. We are so blessed.
So now, 18 days from now, I will become a year older, and have my first birthday without my family.
But last year I had my birthday without Ty...
I am where I am supposed to be. It feels good.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
The Beginning
Hello there world of bloggers! Here I am. Finally.
After much thought and going back in forth between "I should make one" to "Nah, I won't keep it up", I have started my own blog. And I come with no expectations or pressure upon myself. Just simply to try it out.
So I thought I would start by explaining the title of my blog, "Prone to Wander".
Basically it suits me. Why does it suit me you ask? Well i shall share.
Since I was quite young, I have always had a tendency to get distracted, to wander away from events,my parents in stores (woops), groups of friends and other such things to see what I can find. Sometimes to clear my head, to find something i MUST buy, to say a prayer, to take the perfect picture, to find a lonely friend, whatever it is, i wander. I like to explore.
But the exact phrase "Prone to wander" comes directly from my favorite hymn, "Come thou Fount". It goes, as follows:
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;Streams of mercy, never ceasing,Call for songs of loudest praise.Teach me some melodious sonnet,Sung by flaming tongues above.Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,Till released from flesh and sin,Yet from what I do inherit,Here Thy praises I’ll begin;Here I raise my Ebenezer;Here by Thy great help I’ve come;And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,Wandering from the fold of God;He, to rescue me from danger,Interposed His precious blood;How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose meI cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor Daily I’m constrained to be! Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,Bind my wandering heart to Thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,Prone to leave the God I love;Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,I shall see Thy lovely face;Clothed then in blood washed linenHow I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,Take my ransomed soul away;Send thine angels now to carryMe to realms of endless day.
I love this hymn so deeply, it touches me every time I hear it, sing it, or read it. I feel I truly identify with it. It's so easy to lose focus, to wander away from my Creator, but all I can do is say I'm sorry, learn, and pray to be bound to Him.
So there it is, here I am, and here we go!
After much thought and going back in forth between "I should make one" to "Nah, I won't keep it up", I have started my own blog. And I come with no expectations or pressure upon myself. Just simply to try it out.
So I thought I would start by explaining the title of my blog, "Prone to Wander".
Basically it suits me. Why does it suit me you ask? Well i shall share.
Since I was quite young, I have always had a tendency to get distracted, to wander away from events,my parents in stores (woops), groups of friends and other such things to see what I can find. Sometimes to clear my head, to find something i MUST buy, to say a prayer, to take the perfect picture, to find a lonely friend, whatever it is, i wander. I like to explore.
But the exact phrase "Prone to wander" comes directly from my favorite hymn, "Come thou Fount". It goes, as follows:
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;Streams of mercy, never ceasing,Call for songs of loudest praise.Teach me some melodious sonnet,Sung by flaming tongues above.Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,Till released from flesh and sin,Yet from what I do inherit,Here Thy praises I’ll begin;Here I raise my Ebenezer;Here by Thy great help I’ve come;And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,Wandering from the fold of God;He, to rescue me from danger,Interposed His precious blood;How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose meI cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor Daily I’m constrained to be! Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,Bind my wandering heart to Thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,Prone to leave the God I love;Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,I shall see Thy lovely face;Clothed then in blood washed linenHow I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,Take my ransomed soul away;Send thine angels now to carryMe to realms of endless day.
I love this hymn so deeply, it touches me every time I hear it, sing it, or read it. I feel I truly identify with it. It's so easy to lose focus, to wander away from my Creator, but all I can do is say I'm sorry, learn, and pray to be bound to Him.
So there it is, here I am, and here we go!
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